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When there are difficulties in your relationship which you don't resolve or can't resolve, your relationship may end up in a negative spiral. Couples therapy can help you solve your problems and regain a mutual trust and understanding. But even if your relationship goes reasonably well, counselling can help you to deepen your relationship and improve communication and intimacy. In a busy life for example, you can somehow lose track of each other or start to misunderstand each other, and dissatisfaction and a lack of commonality can grow. Couples therapy can have a strong positive effect on your relationship and helps you to close the gap.

A good relationship is usually not something that simply occurs by itself and often needs quite some effort. Two people are needed in order for a relationship to be successful and it generally takes both partners a lot of dedication and effort to sustain the relationship. And even then it can be very difficult to find a way through the differences and difficulties. Too often, two people that love each other end up in a vicious circle of irritation, disinterest and arguing. And it can be very difficult to find the way back to the old feeling of having it good together.

Communication is essential in a relationship and a lack of communication can cause a lot of trouble. Many partners understand each other often falsely. Statements and actions are quite commonly interpreted differently than intended. They do not know exactly what the other wants and what the other is troubled by, but they assume things. Often the tendency is to imagine to know this instead of really talking about it together. Relationship therapy helps you to communicate genuinely about your needs and desires, frustrations and problems, intentions and possibilities etc., in order to understand and support each other better. This enables you to relate in a more mature way and to resolve your differences so you can go through life truly together.

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In the sessions, the behavior of both partners and the reactions that this behavior sets off are examined. The tangle of actions and reactions is disassembled and the underlying causes of the difficulties get clarified. Through the ongoing actions and reactions, it is often very difficult for you to still see clearly yourself what is really going on in your relationship. Without this clarity it is almost impossible to solve the problems at hand or to improve the quality of your relationship and not to repeat the same patterns over and over again. Despite your efforts to come to a better understanding the opposite may happen and the relationship can thus stagnate or deteriorate even further.

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The relationship therapist as an objective outsider often sees more clearly what is really going on in the relationship than the partners themselves can, due to the tangle of actions, reactions, emotions and conflicts. In the therapy the current difficulties in the relationship and what conflicts have arisen to date are first looked at, after which the underlying causes of the difficulties are examined. The relationship therapist will help you with the mapping of the patterns that complicate the relationship and provides you with other options and tools to deal with each other, the feelings and the difficult situations at hand. Together with tools to regain commonality, trust, fun and intimacy it becomes possible for the relationship to grow stronger and to flourish again.

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It's difficult to accept everything about each other and people want too often to change one another. It is quite difficult to know what you have to accept from each other, what you should try to change and what you can demand from one another. In general, a real understanding between two people has to grow and over the years there will be many changes in the relationship to deal with as well. This makes it necessary for you and your partner to continue to communicate and to develop. Issues such as mutual understanding, acceptance, change, consideration, and how to combine doing your own thing and spending time together, etc. need to be addressed (again) in order to find way of relating in which both partners feel good. Therefore it is very important that you and your partner can talk about things that you like and do not like, what you appreciate and what bothers you.

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Initially not only the communication between the partners is examined, but also to the behavior patterns of both partners separately. The individual patterns and the personal baggage are usually part of the relationship problems and can not be solved by one's partner. In the sessions you will be helped to examine and address the obstructive patterns that complicate both the relationship and your own life. Both partners get "homework" assignments - individually or together - to investigate and deal in a better way with the patterns, situations, feelings - and with each other.

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If you do not have the intention to resolve your problems together you better be honest about this to your partner. Couples therapy is not intended as a "safe" way to end a relationship. It is a process that requires the commitment and a willingness of both partners to work it out together. It is essential for the success of the therapy that you want to look at yourself and each other honestly - especially when the relationship is at a really low point - and that you are wiling to develop yourself further. Unfortunately, many couples wait very long to start with couples therapy, which generally results in the negative patterns being deeply ingrained.

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Couples therapy is often used as a (last) resort to solve the difficulties that have existed for years. This sometimes means that the partners have almost decided to split up and want to make one last attempt in order to save the relationship. This makes it harder for the ingrained habits to change, for the communication to start going again and to bring back the often reduced love and affection. But even in such a difficult situation, when the two partners intend to work together to come to a positive outcome and want to put in the effort, good results can certainly be achieved with couples therapy.


Centrumpraktijk Haarlem _ _ _ _ Ph: 0616 444 344 _ _ _ _ info@centrumpraktijk.nl


Practical, effective coaching, therapy and relationshipcounseling in Haarlem and Heemstede;
Bloemendaal, Aerdenhout, Zandvoort, Ijmuiden, Schiphol, Hoofddorp, Nieuw-Vennep, Hillegom, Beverwijk.