Effective communication means that you can really talk to each other well and that you learn to understand each other truly.

Good communication about each other's needs and wishes, annoyances and problems, intentions and possibilities is essential in your relationship and it is therefore an important part of the relationship therapy at the Centrumpraktijk to help you with this. Effective communication in your relationship means that you can really talk to each other and not just share something, argue or remain silent. And it means that you learn to understand each other truly - and not just think you understand.

Effective communication in your relationship

If you learn to talk well together, that does not necessarily mean that you have to do that a lot & often, but that you do it in a really good way that leads to mutual understanding & a good relationship. Without good communication, you will quickly misunderstand each other and interpret statements & actions of your partner differently than they were intended - and that can cause endless problems. You will (unknowingly) start to reproach, accuse & condemn each other - whether you say this or not.

Despite all their good intentions, many couples end up in annoyances, irritations, distancing or painful arguments, in which difficult situations, misunderstandings & assumptions often cause (unspoken) disappointments & hurt, which can lead to a negative spiral of actions & reactions. Or the difficulties are ignored & avoided as much as possible (together with the partner), which creates a (silent) distance. And many couples alternate one with the other... .

A good mutual understanding

Despite having a reasonable or good mutual understanding, miscommunication can easily arise and/or you can start distancing from each other if you can't talk so well together. Especially if you have children, it can automatically be about that, because it often turns out to be a lot easier to talk about practical matters or other people, than about the difficult & sometimes vulnerable issues in the relationship.

You can become very good at functioning, holding the fort, mainting the household, your work & keep the family running - and even be a pretty good team at it, while the connection & understanding as love partners slowly deteriorates. And then it can be difficult to really find each other again and to reestablish contact & intimacy - especially if you don't really know how to talk about it with each other in a good way.

Lonely in your relationship

In many relationships, a lack of good communication causes misunderstandings and distance, which can make you feel quite lonely (at times). After all, you don't (really) know what's going on with the other person & what something does to the other person and your partner doesn't really know that about you either. And that lack of real contact means that you can become (quite) lonely in your relationship. And that can remain so as long you don't start talking & connecting again.

As long as you don't know talk to each other properly about what really concerns you, it becomes very difficult to restore contact on a deeper level. Because a lack of good communication often causes old things to linger for a long time and (unspoken) irritations & disappointments often take on a life of their own - and you can continue to believe your own (unconscious) assumptions & interpretations. Your partner & yourself can continue to think, believe & feel all sorts of things because these are not spoken off and therefore not corrected.

Assumptions & misunderstandings in a relationship

Misunderstandings can arise that unknowingly cause many problems in your relationship and that can continue to do so endlessly, because they are not discussed properly. And that often causes a web of assumptions, actions & reactions that are very difficult for you to unravel, which means that you no longer see clearly what is really going on in your relationship - which makes it increasingly difficult for you to understand & reach each other.

As a result, you can keep encountering the same problems over and over again & repeat the same arguments over and over again, without creating more insight or a better understanding. Usually that causes the opposite of what you had hoped for and it can be very painful and feel helpless & hopeless to be trapped in such a pattern. That is why it is important to learn to communicate effectively, so that you can really understand each other and come to greater insight and better & wiser solutions together.

Centrumpraktijk Haarlem
Email: info@centrumpraktijk.nl
Phone: +31 616 44 43 44

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Therapy, coaching & couples therapy in Haarlem & Heemstede
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