Thanks for your insights, really fantastic! Simone - HR advisor
Amazing how quickly you saw through my patterns! That immediately gave me so much insight & relaxation! Diederik - business consultant
The best guidance I could wish for! Thank you! Arjen - HR manager
Finally someone who really knows what he's talking about! Why aren't there more of them? Irene - hr manager
I am glad I took the step. In-depth and very enlightening. Exactly what I was looking for. Arnoud - psychologist
Thanks to you, I no longer let it get to my head. My health is much more important than the delusions of the day. Thanks to your tips, stress has less and less of a hold on me and my entire family benefits from that. Conrad - branch manager
The tools you gave me are very effective. I now approach things differently; it seems like I've really become a bit wiser... . Rene - entrepreneur
I finally feel fit and vital again. How wonderful it is to have energy again and to have clarity in my work & to be conscious in life. ! Harold - manager
Thank you very much for all your efforts, I really appreciate it. Gerard - consultant
Why didn't I find Centrumpraktijk earlier?! It would have saved me so much time and trouble!!! Marian - general practitioner
I have found the balance that I desperately need in my busy life. Adriaan - general manager
I still benefit from it every day. It helps me to get everything clear - and keep it that way!. It gives me the insight & support I need when the work piles up. Moniek - pedagogue
The personal and involved guidance has done me a lot of good. I am increasingly able to apply the tools in my daily life. Francien - technical draftsman
Fantastic to meet someone with such deep understanding and experience! I learned a lot from it! Daniel - doctor
Good that to have greater awareness of my patterns and pitfalls. I feel a lot stronger and I can relax more easily. Johan - physiotherapist
Everything is getting easier for me and life is getting more fun! And that's what an old grump like me says... . Never thought I would really enjoy life! Bernard - chef
Nice to know better and better how to deal with all the challenges. That works very well! Jose - Team Leader
Great what you do! Sandra - sales manager
It's getting calmer and clearer, stress has less and less of an effect on me & others are starting to notice that I'm a lot more relaxed. Gerard - marketing director
I can now handle my responsibilities well and I no longer forget myself too much, and because of that I'm much more energetic and I can finally really get going with my own work. Roos - creative director
I've been walking around with book knowledge for far too long, a waste of time. Good to really get started with you. Thomas - professor
It feels more and more natural to live consciously. That feels good and gives me a lot. Serge - accountant
We should have come years earlier! We finally broke the negative patterns that had caused us to grow apart. Martin & Claire
Our relationship seemed to be at a dead end, but with your help we found our way back. Thank you very much for your involvement and clarity. Sylvia & Derk
After all these years of arguments and misunderstandings, it's amazing that we're now able to really talk to each other and understand each other. Arnold & Angela
Our relationship has improved a lot and we are really happy together again. It was definitely worth it! Simon and Alice
Fear of abandonment
When you (unconsciously) fear that someone will leave you, you can do anything to make sure that doesn't happen. You can endlessly please the other person or become very controlling or manipulate in a very calculated way, but this kind of (unconscious) strategy is often counterproductive and increases the chance of a breakup rather than developing a good relationship. Because being too dependent or coercive is not a good basis for a relationship - and it is usually not very attractive to your partner either.
After all, the fear to be abandoned usually does not bring out the best & nicest sides of yourself. It makes you feel very small, emotional & vulnerable and you need a lot of affirmation, every time. You can try to get rid of your insecurity by making the other person feel comfortable & start being the way you think your partner wants you to be, but in doing so, you can lose yourself quite a bit - without giving you the assurance that the other person will stay with you.
Or you can try to lift your separation anxiety by starting to control & manipulate the other person. Such coercive behavior can temporarily hide the underlying insecurity & even seem to reduce it. But actually it only reinforces the anxiety, because you unconsciously confirm to yourself all the time that the other person can leave you - and probably will leave if you don't control & manipulate. And if you continue with this behavior long enough, you can't blame the other person if they do indeed leave you.
Dependency
Tt is of course scary to realize that someone can leave you. A deep bond develops in a relationship and that attachment creates a form of mutual dependency. That makes you vulnerable to each other and that is why it is important to treat each other with care and not to damage the trust. Because that vulnerability is part of a deeply intimate relationship - whether you want it or not & how scary it is.
After all, your partner is with you by choice because he or she loves you and you can't force that. When you realize how vulnerable that makes you, you can become very afraid of the other person leaving you. You can try to build in all kinds of certainties, but you know that even a wedding ring, a house and/or children etc. don't give you any guarantees in the end. And the more dependent you feel & the more dependent you make yourself, the more anxious that realization is.
You may have unwittingly made yourself far too dependent on your partner & unwittingly make yourself far too dependent on your partner. Sometimes this creeps in slowly over the years due to circumstances & sometimes separation anxiety is reinforced by bad experiences. But more often than not, separation anxiety is caused by old weaknesses in your sense of security, self-esteem and/or trust, which causes you to think & feel & behave in the same fearful, dependent way over and over again - and keep going off-balance.
It's important to recognize when you suffer from separation anxiety and/or fear of being alone. And instead of pleasing or controlling & manipulating, to work with the root causes. Because if you feel too dependent and are actually very vulnerable & anxious, it doesn't help to keep asking for affirmation or trying to force loyalty. You'll have to learn to address the causes of that so you can start to feel more independent & become stronger.
Centrumpraktijk Haarlem
Email: info@centrumpraktijk.nl
Phone: +31 616 44 43 44
Unconscious strategies ...
Self-confidence ...
Therapy, coaching & couples therapy in Haarlem & Heemstede
Bloemendaal - Aerdenhout - Overveen - Zandvoort - Hoofddorp - Nieuw-Vennep
Centrumpraktijk Haarlem
Email: info@centrumpraktijk.nl
Phone: +31 616 44 43 44
Therapy - Coaching - Couples therapy Haarlem - Heemstede
Therapy - Coaching - Couples therapy Haarlem - Heemstede
Experienced therapist / coach
Personal, involved & careful
Competent, proficient & skillful
Practical tools & skills
Clear applicable insights
Effective method & approach
Strengthen your confidence
Learn to face challenges
Increase your self-esteem
Improve your work / life balance
See through pitfalls & patterns
Tackle problems effectively
Enrich your life & relationship(s)
Increase your understanding
Improve your communication
Social anxiety
Guilt & blame
Fear of failure
Your lesser self
Read more about therapy, coaching & couples therapy
Therapy, coaching, & couples therapy - Centrumpraktijk Haarlem & Heemstede